Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
