Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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