Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
