i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
