hell yes lets make some ravioli
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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