i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
