i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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