Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
