Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
