She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
