I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
