Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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