There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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