worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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