Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
