im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
