I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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