is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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