Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
whose ass print is on the piano?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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