There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
50% drunk capacity currently
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
