my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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