No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
