The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
