my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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