I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
