Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
