What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
