i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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