i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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