Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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