I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
