STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
