Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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