His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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