I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
