My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
