You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
