How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
