at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I supernannyed him into submission
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