You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
