Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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