The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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