And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
