my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
