Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
