I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
