I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
