whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You ruined the universe
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
