Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
