last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
