tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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