I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The uberlube is also flammable
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
