the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
