Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
