i just wanna soil my oats bro
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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