omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
