we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
