Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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