cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
