i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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