I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
