I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
