The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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