next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
