it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
