Jerry, you need to find god
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
