hotel room ftw
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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