shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
