Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
